Content Note
coma

25.10.20

Who is She?

All around her were tall stone brick walls. She couldn’t see the top of the walls, just a light far above her, probably indicating the non existence of a roof. But the light from up there didn’t reach the floor. A tiny window in the wall, about 4 meters above the floor was therefore the only source of light. Opposite of the window was a wooden door, equally high above the ground. How long has she been here? Where even was here? And who was she? She didn’t know any of these things.

How long has she been in here, she couldn’t remember. Time didn’t seem to matter here. At first passing slowly and then the days just went by like nothing. From time to time it started raining, sometimes for days. She got wet to the bone and then dried again, but it didn’t really bother her. She was just fine with the lack of food, sleep and really anything. Her body didn’t seem to require anything at this place.

From time to time she could hear voices from the tiny window. But no matter how hard she focused she couldn’t make out what they said. Only a few words. Can’t lose you, Can’t lose you, more words she couldn’t make out. Repeat. Over and Over again. She could hear a name being called aswell, she just couldn’t understand the name. She just knew it was a name for some reason.

She could notice the door creeping downwards slowly over time. It must have been months but it seemed a few centimetres closer to the ground. Nothing else seemed to change. Not the muttering from the window nor the rain cycles nor how she felt. It was all just static. As if she had been here forever. Even though she felt like there had been something else before. But there was nothing in her memory and the feeling was so minor so it might just not have been real anyway. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at this place.

The door reached the floor. She couldn’t tell how long it actually took. Minutes, days, years, decades? Despite her being so sure about days passing she seemed to have lost all sense of time now, since time like everything else didn’t matter. The door might have reached the floor before she first noticed the voices or afterwards. It might flow forwards or backwards or both at the same time. Or there might be jumps skipping parts of time. Not even her memory existed in a linear time frame. But it didn’t really matter. The door was there now.

There was no handle on the door. It didn’t open from pushing it. So she just continued like before, letting time pass. Just from time to time she curiously investigated the door. But without any success. In the end it didn’t interest her all too much though. It was just another nuance in this place, it mattered no more than the rest.

The door was open. There was no telling if or how, it opened, not even mentioning when, the door just WAS open. On the other side was nothing. A perfect wall of light and darkness, darkness as in complete absence of light. Like the rest of this place it didn’t make sense nor did it really matter to her. Yet there was something telling her to go through that door. She herself didn’t care nor was she particularly curious. Like everything else it didn’t matter to her. So she knew whatever was nagging her to go through wasn’t part of herself, that alone made her opposed to going through it. Something she hadn’t felt as far as she remembered. Not feeling indifferent towards something.

Things had changed. She could still not make out what the name actually was that she kept hearing but she knew it was her name. She wanted to get to the source. The door was not an option simply out of principle, the window was too small so the only option was the top of the tower. She started climbing, even though it should have been impossible to climb the steep walls with only small joints to find a hold in. She was climbing forever, her goal never seemed to get closer. The voices didn’t get any louder either. But she kept climbing without knowing why. Her muscles didn’t hurt in this place so it was only the endlessness of the journey that could make her stop. Then she reached it.

A white ceiling with terribly intense lighting was above her. She was laying in a strange bed. Monitors beeping around her. A hospital. The timeless place felt like a distant dream now. Why was she here? Coma. She was unsure how she knew that, she just did. How long? Why? And who was she? Still no answers to those. But she would find them. It mattered now.