Content Note
mental health, trauma

16.05.21

Forgetting

1:“I seem to have some problems with my memory lately“

2:“what do you mean?“

1:“I keep forgetting stuff or adding little things that never happened. I think i hear the doorbell and when i later asked who rang I get told no one rang the doorbell that day. Things like that. I talked about it with my therapist yesterday.

2:“Oh but that sounds more like hallucinations, not a memory thing?”

1:”I mean that’s what he said as well but I think my memory is not working very well either.”

2:”Hmm. You mentioned forgetting things as well, right?”

1:”Yes. I keep forgetting everything. Homework, appointments, food I’m in the process of making. I can’t count how often I forgot about therapy and arrived hours late. And even a lot of memories seem to just disappear for me.”

2:”Oh anything specific?”

1:”I cant seem to remember what happened on the class trip last year for example. Or my Grandpas birthday last year. Events I should normally be able to recall. My therapist was very concerned about this.”

2:”That’s very concerning! Maybe you should ask like a neurologist as well? But Can I ask you who that therapist is you keep talking about?”

1:”What do you mean? Doctor Jones? You recommended him to me? Don’t you remember?”

2:”No. I never recommended any therapists to you.”

1:”Well you must have at least seen him pop up on the bills. You are always helping mom with that after all.”

2:”Yeah I always help mom go through them. That’s why I know that we aren’t paying any therapy for you at the moment.”

1:”You are not paying him?”

Therapy was helping her a lot. They had to help her pay for it!

2:”No, No. We would pay therapy for you. Even mom has been noticing you arn’t doing very well at the moment. But we weren’t able to find an apointment for you yet, remember? That’s why I’m so surprised. Because we are also not getting billed for the Therapy sessions you say you are taking.”

1:”But that can’t be! He wouldn’t just do that for free?”

2:”When were you last there?”

1:”On Monday. Directly after math class.”

2:”But we were in band together at that time. We even took pictures. Here, see?”

1:”But that cant be. I was there. At his office.”

How could this be? Her brother would never lie to her or prank her like that. She could remember it!

2:”Are you okay?”

1:”I don’t know. Are you sure I was there?”

2:”Yes. I’m sorry”

She sank to the floor and started crying.

1:”If I am imagining things like that, what else am I imagining? What else am I forgetting?”

He took her into his arms

2:”Well will figure it out. You will get better. I promise.”

She cried until she fell asleep.

“How often does this happen?”, the doctor asked.

“All the time.”, Mom answered. “She is barley ever here with me, in reality. Most of the time she is trapped in hallucinations or dreams or whatever it is she is fighting with. I can’t really pull her out of them either.”.

“Okay. From what I Heard she sounds like she has a good relation with her brother. Is it helping when he is with her?”

“No. It’s not.”, Mom answered.”You see, he isn’t actually in there with her, because it all started when he died.”.